5 Quick Tips for Replying Calmly and Professionally to Angry Parent Emails
I love teaching my students, but their parents? I have to be honest. Some parents are wonderful. And some are hurting. And hurting parents send hurtful emails. We’ve all opened our inbox to find a complaint, an accusation, a rant, an inquisition—maybe more than one! When the challenging emails roll in, we have decide what our goal is. Is our goal to “win” an argument? Or is our goal to help our students succeed? Obviously we all know, deep down, that our students’ success is more important than our pride, so here are 5 quick tips to respond to that email professionally and put it behind you for the rest of the day.
Thank them for reaching out.
This might seem counter-intuitive when we really wish they would have kept their keyboards to themselves, but in reality, some students have parents that don’t care about their education at all. So even if I don’t agree with a parent’s perspective or I don’t particularly like their tone, I can appreciate that they have taken an interest in their child’s education, and I thank them for reaching out.
Find something—anything—they said that you agree with.
I don’t believe in being disingenuous, but I do believe that we can all find something (however small) that we agree on. A parent is frustrated that their child has missing work? That can be frustrating. A parent wants their kid to spend more time outside and less time doing homework? Fresh air is so important! Just let the parent know that you hear them and that to some extent, at least, you are on the same page.
Resist the urge to argue or become defensive.
This is easier said than done. Sometimes we do need to correct a parent who has incorrect information, and sometimes we do have to let a parent know that we won’t be able to accommodate a request. Still, it’s important that we remember not to make the discussion about us. It’s not about us. The parent might think it’s about us. But it’s not. Everybody is hurting. Everybody is tired. Everybody says things they shouldn’t. It’s not about us.
Focus on a solution.
In the end, our students’ parents usually want the same thing we do. They want their child to succeed. Focus your response on what you, the parent, and the child can do to help the student succeed as they move forward. Try not to focus on what should have been done differently in the past. Focus on actionable steps each person can take in the future.
Wait until you feel calm to send the email.
My blood all but boils at some of the emails I see in my inbox. What I want to say is rarely what I should actually say. Take some time, consider running the email by a trusted friend, go for a walk, and send the email when you feel regulated.
Obviously, these tips won’t turn every parent into your BFF, but that’s not the goal. The goal is to help your students succeed. Take a week to try out these tips, and let me know how it goes. I wish you the best!
